We Are Different Now

htlapa — Sun, 27 May 2012 17:04:31 +0000

This is the poem that I shared this year at the Boston Children’s Hospital annual memorial service “A Time to Remember.”

WE ARE DIFFERENT NOW

WE ARE DIFFERENT NOW

We live in a solitude of broken pieces,
Damaged beyond repair.
Different now from all the others; by no choice of own.

Their spoken words; clichéd and served like comfort food.
Meant to heal someone who no longer exists;
To fix something, beyond restoration.

It was meant to be.
God needed an angel.
You can have other children.
That which does not kill you makes you stronger!

Whoever said I wanted to be strong?

Their secret thoughts; pierce through the silence of AFTER like an unwelcome alarm.
Self preservation, with a dose of denial.
Our destiny terrifies them; it is incomprehensible.

They should have prayed harder.
Thank God it wasn’t us.
He’s better off this way.
Get over it already.

I will NEVER get over losing you.

Their pity is misconstrued; easing their own burden, because they can.
Their future is in front of them.
Ours is scattered all around us,
Shattered pieces of a missing past.
Betrayed before our swollen eyes,
And salty drops of love that just keep falling…

Everything happens for a reason.
You were lucky to have her at all.
God blessed you with a new baby.
You’lll meet again one day.

But what about all the days IN BETWEEN?

We are different now.
Solitary vagrants in this world of endless blue;
Perhaps we can find comfort in each other?

But none of you lost my daughter.
And I did not lose your child.
We live in a solitude of broken pieces…
Every single one of us,
Missing that one crucial ingredient;
The tie that binds our world.

They tell us to appreciate what we still have.
That we cannot change the past.
To stop looking behind.
To let go of what we’ve lost.
To dance in the darkness…

They ask for the impossible.

But in the daze of new realities…
We comply.
We live and breathe each day.
We find joy in the sunrise, and solace at dusk.
We feel love in the eyes of our living children,
And comfort in the gentle breeze.
We experience life.
We appreciate our gifts.
We recognize the beauty that remains;
While silently grappling at all that’s been lost.

Their blind eyes fail to see;
The invisible essence that keeps us going,
The light which illuminates our darkness;
Our Hope,
Our Salvation.
The one thing they beg us to release,
Is the very thing we never will let go of.

We are different now.
And because of YOU;
We always will be.

Candid Exposure… recaps from my weekly column and more

htlapa — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 20:34:10 +0000

My name is Holleigh Tlapa and this blog is entitled CANDID EXPOSURE. I am Mother to six children, one who sadly lives in Heaven. I started a foundation called Jaiden’s Angel, which I run with the help of my volunteer Board of Directors (www.jaidensangel.org). We provide support and assistance to local families facing catastrophic child illness, child accidents and the loss of a beloved child.

I also write a freelance column for my local weekly newspaper, The Milford Cabinet, entitled “Candid Exposure”. This blog will contain my articles after they have gone to print, as well as other thoughts, stories and poems. My initial post was a heartfelt topic for me and so many other grieving parents; it is about facing Mother’s Day after losing a child.